Facing Our Fears: A Personal Reflection

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you
did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

I seem to be coming across a lot of articles and blog posts lately about fear and how it can be a powerful force holding us back from pursuing a passion, taking a risk, speaking out for what we belive in, or doing a host of other things that we relegate to far-fetched fantasies because we can't overcome the fear needed to venture out into the unknown. And it's made me think about my own professional journey and those times in which I have overcome my own fears and insecurities. And about how fear is often a matter of perspective.

As a young child, I spent a lot of time on a sailboat. Anyone who knows my family well, knows the stories of how I was jumping off the bow of our sailboat into the open sea not long after I learned how to walk. I feel at home in the water or on the water. And the ocean doesn't scare me. But I know people who are terrified of the ocean, who would never venture into the ocean surf or cast away dock lines to sail out to sea, or understand the decision of a teenager to attempt to sail around the world by herself. I can attempt to understand people's fears of the water, but it's hard for me to relate to a fear that I don't hold myself.

So, the ocean? Bring it on. Making my writing public? Professional fear number one. It's always been easy for me to say I'm a writer in casual conversation. It's also easy for me to teach writing and to edit other people's writing to make it more coherent. But to actually write something, publish it, and then believe that somebody, anybody, will want to read what I've written? This has been a MAJOR fear of mine that I work daily to overcome. I don't have the simple answer for how to do this, but I do know that every day I work at writing. And, on the best of days, I put that writing out there in the public sphere. And you know what? Once it's done, a lot of my fears about the process kind of just fall away.

Professional fear number two? Working for myself. Since the day I took my first education course in college, I knew that teaching was for me. And as I worked through my master's program, I became increasingly drawn to the teaching profession, in part because it just seemed so darn predictable and safe. (It feels funny writing this now, because as I quickly learned, the day-in and day-out life of a classroom teacher is anything but predictable. Furthermore, the current climate of the teaching profession is one that most within the profession would not describe as safe.) So I taught high school, until one day I woke up and realized that my life needed a change of direction. I still teach now, but most of my days are spent working for myself, chasing after dreams that are meaningful to me - in my own time and by my own measure. Are there days when I'm scared? Of course. But it's then that I remember that sometimes you have to face your fears if you want to live life on your own terms.

And as I continue to chart the course of my own life, I try to remember that if I was the child who - at two years old - could jump fearlessly off the bow of a sailboat and swim to shore, well then, I have a strength that has been with me always. Even during times when I'm most afraid.